Hey lookie here! I’m writing two days in a row. Probably helps that I put a reminder on my calendar for every day titled “write.”
Today, I am going to talk about friendships. Mine specifically. I moved to my current home almost four years ago, a week after I had The Daughter. The Husband had moved here two months prior to start his PhD program and get our house settled while I lived with his parents (oh joy).
The first year we lived here, we had ZERO support system locally, no friends, no family. I was dealing with a nasty case of PPD, and he was dealing with leaving his PhD program (very shortly after starting – just wasn’t the right fit), and trying to find employment. To say it was tough is an understatement.
Finally, after a year of this bullshit, I joined a local Mom’s group via MeetUp. I said fuck it, and decided to go to a mom’s night out/game night. I brought good cheese, and two bottles of wine in the hopes that I would find my people. Luckily, I did.
LC and I met that night and have remained steadfast friends ever since. First it was just she and I. Later, I met up with another new Mom at a local park, MH, and it was immediate friendship with her as well. Then, MH and I ended up going to a play-date with LH, and realized we all clicked really well. I can’t remember when we all started having our Tuesday night girls nights/bitch fests/soul sister sessions, but me, LC, MH, and LH got on like gangbusters. Later, JL joined one of our Tuesday night sessions, and from that moment on, we were together like glue. We became each other’s family, for holidays where we weren’t traveling out of state, we spent them together. Our kids all get along, as do The Husbands. Truly, it has been such a savior for me personally, and so good for me. I am thankful every day for finding them when I was at a pretty low point.
Now comes the tough part. LH has admittedly never had a group of close girlfriends. She is high strung, and very sensitive. She also has a very strong personality, and I do as well, I am about 10 years older than her. The first time we had an issue, I had planned a girls trip out of state, for us to stay (FOR FREE) with one of my best friends. Man, I thought we all had an incredible time, we all got high together for the first time (I’m pro-pot legalization BTW). We saw an amazing concert, shopped, ate some awesome food, and just generally got to be ourselves without the filter of being MOM and WIFE for a weekend. It was great times. We all returned home feeling refreshed and *I thought* closer than ever.
A couple of weeks went by, and LH didn’t want to hang or was unavailable when we tried to make plans. I just thought we were all busy because, life, kids, family … etc. Then one day I got a text out of the blue from her saying that she had been keeping her distance from me because apparently the weekend we were out of town, she was upset with me THE ENTIRE WEEKEND because she said I picked on her, made fun of her, and hurt her feelings several times. An example she used: when she tried to inhale, I teased her because she didn’t actually inhale. Seriously.
I was blindsided. Here I was thinking everything was hunky-dory, while apparently I was torturing her the entire weekend. Ignoring the fact that she stayed with my friend for free, smoked her weed, and I paid for her meals and drinks several times. I was righteously pissed off, and realized we weren’t as close as I thought, and have since treated her with kid gloves … while attempting to maintain the group friendship. We have had a couple of tiffs since then, where she gets butt-hurt for what I think is an absurd reason and then I pull away even further.
For fucks sake, I don’t want to destroy the group friendship we have but this is wearing on me.
Fast forward to today, me, LC and MH have been walking together the past few days (trying to lose weight if you recall), and last night I invited LC to join me as a guest at my new gym – she came, we had a great time, she took a funny picture and posted it on social media. This turned into LH getting but-hurt with LC because she didn’t tell her she was visiting my gym and joining my gym too. Jesus Christ on a cracker, are we in fucking middle school? For once I am not the target but I can relate to how frustrated LC is with LH because of her behavior. They have hashed things out but me, LC and MH are at a point where we are so tired of having to walk on eggshells. We are all adults here, we all have lives, and we are doing this for ourselves, trying to get healthier, be better. LH already belongs to a gym. This makes no sense to me.
Tonight we have a girls night out planned and I am just fucking dreading it. I don’t even want to go. I want to be sensitive to the fact that perhaps LH just doesn’t understand how to navigate female adult/mature friendships, but I am considering breaking up with her as a friend. It sucks because our daughters are in the same dance class and are friends. I don’t know what to do.
Accept her as she is and just try to put up with it? Call her out on the dramatic bullshit? I don’t know what to do. These friendships have been my saving grace, and I feel like she is shitting all over it.
That’s all for now.
Three days later –
Aaaaannnnd… now it’s been a few days and I’ve cooled off and I feel guilty for writing this. Because that’s how these things go. LH can’t help how she feels, and I hate to invalidate anyone’s feelings. I admittedly am still holding a grudge about how things went after our girls trip. I need to let that go, and try to see her with an open mind and open heart. I need to be better.