Werk it

As you know, a couple of weeks ago we joined a gym. A few days later two of my girlfriends joined as well. Last night I went to the gym after taking a week and a half off and boy do I regret it. (not really)

My girlfriends talked me into doing squats with a kettelbell. SQUATS ARE THE DEVIL.

It’s hard to sit on the toilet, hard to get back up off the floor if I try to squat or sit down, my legs are so sore and fatigued that they are shaky when I walk.

I also made a huge mistake. I got on the scale.

I refuse to let the scale define me, so I had been avoiding weighing myself for the past year and a half. I was shocked [SHOCKED] by the number that popped up on the screen – 150. ONE.FIVE.ZERO. One hundred and fifty pounds, and barely any of it muscle.

This is more than I have ever weighed in my life, aside from when I was pregnant when I got up to 167. The job from hell truly put 20 pounds on me, that and being depressed, sitting on my ass and generally feeling sorry for myself didn’t help either. I am only 5’2″ – so when I gain even five pounds it is noticeable.

Here’s the thing though, I have definitely gone up one pants size, but I can’t tell, I would never ever guess that I weigh 150 pounds, which is why I am so shocked by the number.

Call it being almost 40 with a sedentary lifestyle I guess.

I never talk about my weight or my body in front of The Daughter other than to say nice things, if she lays on my stomach and says it is big, I say yeah, it’s big and strong and soft and nice to snuggle on isn’t it? I grew up with my Mother and sisters constantly bemoaning their bodies, and of course I internalized that shit. I refuse to do it in my own home. It’s going to happen regardless because of outside crap as she gets older, but not on my watch. No way, man.

All I can do is lead by example. We already eat a pretty healthy diet, pescatarian/vegetarian, no junk, unless it’s a special treat. However, sitting on my ass every day and not taking care of myself in that respect isn’t a good example for my kid. I don’t want her to grow up thinking you shouldn’t take care of yourself. So, if she sees me going to the gym regularly, and being active, hopefully she’ll internalize that as a positive thing.

No more scales. I’m not doing it again. What I am going to do though is take my measurements every two weeks to see how things are progressing. I am not changing my diet because I feel like I already eat well. We’ll see how this goes.

Wish me luck.